Differences Between Mercenaries 2

Now I think I'm really resigned. Ele
are the usual boring writing about how everything sucks but there it is.
Everything sucks.
I can no longer find meaning or purpose in what they are.
I see all around me from faraway countries and to make a living, I see my little friends (and I say what I understand to be painful) of 80-77-72 kg scented out and happy that the girls pick up files watching, admire and appreciate them for their smiling eyes and their joy and companionship.
I see my parents that their bankruptcies are still together after all.
I see people pass me on the side and not even realize that I come up against him. And in all this
I see myself - or I do not see it, perhaps it is on the proper - and sad every single day that passes more intent to stick masks on forms .. one for the job, with friends, a family, weighing between die !
I just want to be normal and smiling, so I shine, so I can do something!
I want to start like them, I want to fall in love like them! And I want to be a free girl!

But no, I can not, burst from the desire to love someone, but do not know how to do it, do not want to waste and nobody wants me.
For this, I'm sure there are no excuses.
I have no reason to smile.
I feel terribly alone and seek refuge on line is even worse, as usual risk of "affection" to people who do not exist in my real world and the loneliness pushes even more ...
I pay by myself to this!
But I do not know go out .. I do not even remember as I was before .. I just know that crying is a habit and now my soul is always painful. If so